The National Football League has not done anything tedious or unnecessary since its annual draft 13 days ago, it has not done anything provingly consequential. It’s the company’s annual comic-con, and it’s a great rating hit. The belief that if you slap something on the face you will attract a crowd, and for the most part it is true, proves once again that the global domination that gives back the dominance of the planet to the unicellular is not only desirable but essential.
But two weeks is the limit outside the league until it gets its next inflatable nothing. Thus tomorrow brings us a great revelation of the 2022 schedule. If the draft is comic-con, it is a reminder of Roger Goodell’s alleged accomplishment of Benito Mussolini: he forced trains to run on time, although he did not appear to do so.
Goodell is giving everyone a train schedule for the upcoming season. Those who actually run the trains on time are the network leaders. Maybe Shawn McManus (CBS), Jimmy Pietro (ESPN), John Miller (NBC), Eric Shanks (Fox), Brian Rolap (NFL Network) and all the other mammals that bring your Sunday’s heroin-and-eggs to Mussolini. Of which we speak. That is, if Mussolini is a fitting comparison, which he is not, the idea of comparing one of them to Mussolini would be a bit offensive to see if they take it as a compliment.
Also, the heads of the network are breaking their own news by trading frantically with the Game Broadcast team this offseason, and in the case of Shanx, confirming that Tom Brady Line could remain financially viable until the aliens arrive and turn the world upside down on their intergalactic barbecue. Grill
Let’s not be fooled by Goodell’s role here. He is in charge because the League has declared every bit of its public business a matter of paramount importance, while hiding everything that its owners should be detained under trade, tax and trafficking laws. Whether it was his vision or something he borrowed from an intern who eventually made it entirely with Jack Easterby or someone else completely smart and packing tape, the NFL has perfected the inflation of inconsistencies… or at least a similar illusion. They still haven’t sold us all in the combine way that comic-con isn’t for everyone.
But the schedule is the most shameless example of art form, because we know the schedule format and we know that each team will play on the last regular season ending day. It has become a staple of Beat Writers’ season end-game notebooks so everyone involved can spend less time in the locker room asking strangers about their tightness and more time at home without worrying about the horrors of their lives.
The only thing that happened on Thursday was that we saw the sequence of games being played, Hurricane and Covid allowed. We can see which team gets a three-game road trip that reportedly ruined the season, although last year the teams with a three-game road trip were Cincinnati, Dallas and Indianapolis, all of which ended with a winning record, a Super Bowl trip and we can find When our favorite team goes to Las Vegas, until our favorite team is Arizona, Denver, Houston, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Los Angeles, New England or San Francisco. Hotels and flights must be booked, kids must be sold to cover costs, and so on.
But so be it. The league has not yet figured out how to make it a one-size-fits-all three-day extravaganza, but they put the schedule on a different shelf — Foreign Games One Day, Thanksgiving Day Wall of Football, Christmas Nickelodeon Celebration of the Birth of Slay. -Coated Santa is another one who knows that barking dogs on various network shows will lift heavy for them because, their own ratings will tell you, Reds-Pirates are not going to entice many eyeballs. In fact, most of the schedule will be leaked by fearless beat journalists who -The minute they sold part of their soul when Ravens arrives in town.
Thursday is the last pay-off because every team has a name, not just the big team. In the litany of dates and times, which are all fluid, since networks can flex games into the phantom zone if they smell too much like jugs-lions, your team will be mentioned 17 times, and you will have a lot of people explaining what it all means. (This year, NFC teams will get additional home games in the 17-game schedule, as an ongoing salute to the league’s ongoing “Hey! We’ve got 17 games, and 17 games unbearable!”
But in essence, it’s still a recitation of names and times, like train schedules. And like to combine. One thing you can actually benefit from is that Vegas West will bet on all 272 games before sunset. And yes, somewhere along the line some tweets have been tweeted “just 120 days until football,” like they are announcing the rollout of a new COVID vaccine, or more accurately the return of the devil. Thursday, September 8, 8:20 pm ET, don’t miss out.
It’s all so terribly frustrating — especially since we can’t properly compare Roger Goodell with Benito Mussolini. We cannot even honestly compare Mussolini with the people in the network who would be closer to Mussolini than Goodell if Mussolini was not really another fascist gripper whose major contribution to the world community was hung upside down from the Milan lamppost by angry partisans. Which, of course, made the video an overnight sensation.